she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
