hotel room ftw
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
