Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Text me some of your sweat
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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