do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
