This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
