tell your sister to shave her snatch
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
