my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
