I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
