just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
