Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize