me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
