He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
