I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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