I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize