he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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