No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
