there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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