no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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