It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
