Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize