Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
