Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
