Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
