i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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