btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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