i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Rumble strips road head = magical
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
