your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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