Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
