So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
