Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
And then he peed in my hair
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize