"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
