So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
