my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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