Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
