apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
