I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize