Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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