I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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