Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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