I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
