We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize