What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
this hospital has no fireball
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
