next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize