i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
