from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
