I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
