I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
