i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
