I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
