the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
