Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
