I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
