i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
