My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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