she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize