i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
