I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
