So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
