Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
