my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
