dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
