ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize