guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
