My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
