Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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