U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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