and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
