am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
