dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
