just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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