Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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