I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
