It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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