Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
