is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize