i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
