Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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