K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
