dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
