The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
